Hey Reader,

October might just be my favorite month.

The leaves are changing, fall flavors are everywhere, and it’s full of cozy vibes. But for me, it’s extra special because it holds two of my favorite dates: my anniversary and my birthday.

This week, Willie and I celebrate 14 years of marriage. Yes, fourteen. That’s more than a decade of love, laughter, tears, apologies, inside jokes, “What do you want for dinner?” debates, and learning that somehow socks still don’t walk themselves to the hamper.

Instead of telling you how we met or why we knew we were “the one” for each other, I want to share what 14 years of marriage have taught us. Think of this as confession time—with a little bit of humor, a little honesty, and hopefully, a little encouragement for you.

Rachel’s 7 Lessons (a.k.a. Confessions):

1. My marriage isn’t supposed to look like anyone else’s except Christ and His bride, the Church. Translation: Instagram couples are cute, but the marriage God gave me with Willie is much more beautiful.
2. Two imperfect people can’t have a perfect marriage, but they can build a healthy one. A perfect marriage doesn’t exist. A healthy one? That’s the goal we aim for daily.
3. I’ve learned to consult God before I consult the flesh—or another flesh. In other words, pray before phoning a friend, texting a sister, or letting my emotions lead. Letting God lead in my response is always the way to go and grow.
4. I need godly, trusted mentors to help me navigate marriage with grace, wisdom, and truth. But let’s be clear: not everyone gets a backstage pass to my marriage. I choose cautiously and wisely.
5. I’m not the Holy Spirit. I’ve tried playing Jr. Holy Spirit—it didn’t work. Spoiler alert: God does a much better job at His job. Prayer works even when it looks like it's not working. It is.
6. There will be seasons when I have to choose joy and choose to enjoy my marriage. Because joy doesn’t always appear (especially when bills are due or the kids are tripping), and when it doesn't, I have to choose it.
7. There are no absolutes. I’m not always right… But let’s be honest, I’m not usually wrong either. 😉

Now, just FYI, I’m the Cliff Notes version in our marriage; Willie is admittedly the chapter-by-chapter version. So here are his seven lessons.

Willie’s 7 Lessons (his side of the story):

1. God Brings the Increase. I’ve learned that I don’t have to force change in my marriage. Similar to what Scripture says, "I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave increase" (1 Corinthians 3:6). My role is to share wisdom, encouragement, and love — but only God can transform hearts. This has freed me from frustration and helped me rest in His timing.
2. Not Everything Needs Fixing Right Away Sometimes Rachel isn’t asking me to fix anything at all — she’s simply sharing her heart. I’m learn(ing) to listen first instead of rushing to solve. Some things do need fixing, but often she’s already processing solutions or even working on them as we speak.
3. Strengths, Weaknesses, and Blind Spots. We both have areas of strength and areas of weakness. The enemy would love to use those weaknesses against us — either by making me focus on where she falls short or by letting her focus on my shortcomings. But marriage is about covering one another, filling the gaps, and standing in the places where the other needs support.
4. Every Single One of those social media shorts about wives and food is TRUE. 100% accurate. Rachel will say she doesn’t want anything to eat…and then here comes her hand sliding across my plate. I’ve learned the secret to survival: buy extra. That way, she can feel like she didn’t eat the whole meal or the whole cookie pack — while I still get fed. 😂
5. Knowing and admitting who's the spender and who's the saver. If I want us to always be low on funds, I’ll manage the money. If I want us to actually grow financially, Rachel manages it. Simple math. She’s basically the CFO of our household, and I’ve learned to let her wear that title proudly.
6. Proverbs 31 is one thing, but watching it come alive in our marriage is something else. The passage reminds me of Rachel and the amazing wife she is, but it also says her husband is respected at the city gates. This tells me that both roles matter. Her strength makes me stronger, and my leadership and presence are meant to bring honor to our home. We both have a part to play. She shines, I stand tall, and together we show what God designed marriage to look like.
7. In Marriage, We Are A Team. At the end of the day, marriage is about partnership. Life is tough enough without turning on each other. What I’ve learned is that we win when we remember we’re on the same team. That means covering each other’s weaknesses, celebrating each other’s strengths, laughing often, and yes… buying double the fries just to keep the peace.

Marriage is holy ground. It’s not easy, but it is sacred. Fourteen years later, I’m still grateful for every “for better or for worse” moment God has used to shape us.

P.S. As Willie and I celebrate these 14 years together, I can’t help but think about the many families we’ve met along the way. Back in 2016, we launched Better Than Blended to support blended families who needed encouragement and practical tools.

That heart hasn’t changed, which is why we’ve put together the Better Than Blended Digital Bundle — packed with books, guides, and over 4 hours of Stepmom School teachings.

For this month, we’re making it available for just $29 (usually $149).

If you or someone you love is walking the blended family journey, I pray this resource will bring fresh hope, direction, and encouragement right where it’s needed most.

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